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Michael Jesso's Fabulous, Derailed

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With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, the smells of love is in the air, and while you think diamond earrings and a box of chocolates may be all that she wants, think again. Above all else she wants you and she wants it to be special. Call around and make some dinner reservations, (trust me, make some, it’s a busy night as it is, no one wants to keep their date waiting) with The Keg stunningly renovated and the Wood Buffalo Brewing Company doing a special menu and decorations there will be tons of options. While you have the phone in your hand why not make yourself another appointment and get some of that much needed manscaping taken care of, really surprise her. Come on guys, it’s been a long cold winter and you let a lot of your hairy bits grow over. We’re not cave men, we’re not clubbing women over the head and dragging them back to the cave, so take a good look at yourself and see what needs trimming. While you may think it worked for Austin Powers and his mojo, everyone gasped for a reason when they seen that deep pile shag rug resting on his chest.

So get naked and let’s take a look in the mirror.

How’s the hair? A little neck clean up and trim never hurts anyone.

How are the eyebrows? Often overlooked, eyebrows are the easiest things in the world to clean up. Using a toothbrush, comb upwards towards your hairline and trim off any of the ones that stick up above the main brow. If you feel that they are really long and bushy ask your hairstylist at Tommy Gun’s to trim them with the trimmer and comb. Using tweezers, remove any of the ones that have decided to flee the scene and are growing down your face. Clean up that mono-brow while you’re at it.

Nostrils - there is nothing worse than talking to someone with nose hair trying to shake your hand. No one is ever supposed to see nose hair. Make sure you use a trimmer and have a go at them, never ever pluck - the hair follicle can become infected and the infections have been known to make their way into your brain. So a nose hair trimmer is all you need.

How’s the beard and stache doing? Make time and treat yourself to a relaxing hot shave at Tommy Gun’s. They really are world class when it comes to hot shaves and beard shaping, not to mention it will take years off you. Go for that clean look and I guarantee it will make you look years younger. Your girl will squeal when she sees you. On a side note, the recent invention of the term Lumbersexual has caused some beard lovers to abandon the look all together.

How’s the chest and stomach looking? If you look like you’re wearing a sweater it’s time to take care of it. Your goal is to have chest hair that’s a little longer than half an inch; depending on the trimmer you have, select the smallest guard and get mowing. If your stomach has hair keeps on going. If you’ve never done it before you will be surprised at how noticeable thinner you will look. No one needs to wax. Who hasn’t seen 40 year old virgin? It bloody hurts, to be honest, it’s extremely painful and you can really bleed. So I don’t, under any circumstances, recommend waxing your chest.

Now let’s look down at your wedding tackle. Can you see it? You can’t? Does it look like a 70’s afro picked out to perfection? Get mowing! Remember, if you can’t see it, neither can she. Same guard on the trimmer as the chest for this one. Don’t be a afraid to Bic your plums either, at best give them a close trim, but for the love of God be careful. You will be amazed how a little hedge trim will really bring out the size of your magic wand.

Now with all your bits and bobs taken care of, you’re not done yet. A quick online poll that I did showed women would like a fresh new pair of boxer briefs in a bright colour on their man, and you absolutely have to smell good. Take my advice gentlemen and you will have an extremely successful Valentine’s Day, if you’re still unsure, buy the diamonds!

Hovans Gold / Clubman Moustache Wax

In-Grown Gold Cream helps to reduce and prevent in-grown hairs on face, neck, underarm, body, bikini line, legs, all over. Reduction and prevention of in-grown hair, razor bumps, sensitivity to waxing, shaving, electrolysis- laser hair removal on face, head, neck, underarm, bikini line, body, leg, all skin color, all skin types, female and male.

Clubman Moustache Wax is the most trusted gray-coverage product for mustache grooming. Made with beeswax and natural coconut oil, the wax adds control, volume and character to your moustache. Clubman wax is conditioning and suitable for sensitive skin. The included mustache brush/comb makes for easy application. Covers or blends gray without the hassle; lasts all day, but is easy to wash out. Safe to use on sideburns, beards and eyebrows.

MEN Scrubbies

Trio Sponge Gift Set: Add your favourite body wash to exfoliate, cleanse & massage for a full body clean. One for home, the gym and travel!

Back and Body Scrubber: Exfoliate and cleanse hard to reach areas with this long-handled scrubber. The large area mesh allows for efficient cleaning coverage.

Exfoliating Back Polisher: For men who need more than just a wash cloth. The informed gentlemen that know that men need and benefit from exfoliation, buffing & cleansing just as much as women do! The back polisher is the perfect shower accessory to cleanse and exfoliate skin in those hard-to-reach places.

Billy Jealousy Tattoo Wash: Billy Jealousy’s Tattoo Wash contains four fearsome cleaners to rid skin of dirt, excess oil and dead skin cells. Cucumber extract helps tattoos retain their color while hydrolyzed oat protein helps skin retain moisture to enhance tattoo vibrancy. Glycolic AHA and papaya extract exfoliate and polish. Good to use following a new tattoo to assist in the healing process. Unleash the wash. Unleash the beast.

Tattoo Lotion: Billy Jealousy’s Tattoo Lotion contains essential oils and shea butter to bring out your tat’s colour, definition and just a little oomph. Green tea leaf extract delivers powerful antioxidant properties to protect against environmental forces, while grapeseed oil shields against harmful free radicals. Helps your tattoos look clean, colourful and shamelessly cool. Spread some on twice a day. Your skin and tats will be glad you did.

Tattoo Salve: Billy Jealousy’s Tattoo Salve is brimming over with vitamin E, natural olive and lavender oils and other goodies to bring out your tattoo’s color and assist in the healing process. Won’t clog pores and is non-irritating. Gives a whole new meaning to the term “art preservation”! To help heal a new tattoo, apply a thin layer 3 times a day for a week.

Wahl Taper 2000

This high-quality and dependable Wahl taper 2000 is an adjustable cut clipper. Founded in 1911, the Wahl clipper corporation is a global leader in the manufacture of professional and home grooming products.

Babybliss Pro TT

This compact 1000-watt dryer has dual voltage and a folding handle, making it perfect for travel. Infused with pure gemstone tourmaline crystals, it emits millions of natural ions to eliminate static electricity and leave hair shining. The far-infrared heat dries hair faster, which protects it from heat damage. This powerful compact dryer is just the right size, lightweight, and easy to pack.