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Michael Jesso's Fabulous, Derailed

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TAXI! TAXI! We’ve all seen the movies: a man or woman standing curbside, anxiously hailing a cab, “taxi” “ TAXI”! Taxi stops, they climb in, driver asks where they are going, and with that the next scene usually implies that they made it to their destination ok. What’s happened to taking a taxi cab in Fort McMurray? It’s nothing like the movies. In fact, once you get in a cab in Fort McMurray, that could be the movie. A word of advice though: Don’t ever get in and say, “Follow that car.” Chances are the cab in front of you is lost, too.

First of all, if you don’t know this city very well, you will not be getting the quickest, fastest route to your destination. For whatever reason, when a paying customer gets in a taxi cab, the drivers get so excited that they lose all memory of where they are going or how to get there. The blank stare they give you may throw you off, but never fear, the driver will be on the phone the entire time, getting what I can only imagine are directions to your destination. Now if the tour you just took of lower Thickwood, when you were suppose to be in Stone Creek, wasn’t exciting enough, wait till it’s time to pay. That’s when the real fun begins.

It’s generally cash-only and there’s never any change. And just because there is a VISA sign on the door, don’t expect to use it. That can be a real fight, with negotiations of five to 10 dollars added on for VISA, or offers of driving you to the nearest ATM machine, with meter running of course. One local cab company recently offered debit use. A few folks who frequently use cabs got really excited and it was great at first. Rules in the beginning were if your driver’s machine was broken, call the cab company back and your ride was free. Fast forward a month and a half and different cars have different service fees added onto the machine. Fares under 10 dollars aren’t eligible for debit anymore. After a call to the cab company and a chat with the driver I quickly figured out why all the rules are different in different cars. Turns out the cab company was charging the drivers two dollars per fare charged on debit, and the drivers are upset they are making less money. At the end of the day, I think the people of Fort McMurray and the entire region of Wood Buffalo deserve better service. Not to mention a fee of $75 from the airport to Timberlea seems excessive.

Imagine for a minute that the Regional Municipality of Wood Buffalo did what London, England does:

The taxicab driver is required to be able to decide routes immediately in response to a passenger’s request or traffic conditions, rather than stopping to look at a map, relying on satellite navigation or asking a controller by radio. Consequently, the ‘driver knowledge’ is the in-depth study of a number of preset London street routes and places of interest that taxicab drivers in that city must complete to obtain a license to operate a black cab. It was initiated in 1865, and has changed little since. It is claimed that the training involved ensures that London taxi drivers are experts on London, and have an intimate knowledge of the city. It is the world’s most demanding training course for taxicab drivers, and applicants will usually need at least twelve ‘appearances’ (attempts at the final test), after preparation averaging 34 months, to pass the examination.

Until things get better, here are a few tips to hopefully help you navigate Fort Murray a little better when it comes to taking a cab.

  • Whenever possible, ask a friend to pick you up.
  • Always write the cab number down, which is located on the front fender, or note it in your phone.
  • Carry cash in small bills.
  • Never, ever be afraid to call the main number of the cab company for assistance.
  • Don’t insult the drivers.
  • If you are ever afraid call 911, talk to the dispatcher as if you’re calling a friend: “Oh hi Sarah, I’m just in a cab now on my way home.” The dispatchers are trained to understand this situation and will help you.
  • Never ever drink and drive. As bad as an experience in a cab may have been, nothing is worth risking your life or the lives of others.

Salad Days

Reclaim those long-ago days of youthful exuberance with Salad Days Body Scrub. Jojoba Esters scrub away at pores, sweeping off pesky dead skin cells. Natural lime, lemon and orange fruit extracts soften and moisturize skin. Foaming lather rinses away, leaving skin clean, polished and renewed. Helps prep the body for self-tanning, if you’re into that sort of thing.

Sake Bomb

Your skin is your biggest organ. Treat it right with Sake Bomb Body Moisturizer. Plant extracts like Monoi de Tahiti leave it soft and smooth without a greasy residue. Your special someone may not know where the satin sheets end and you begin. Paraben and dye free. Winner, Best Body Moisturizer, Men’s Health Singapore 2012 Grooming Awards.

Combination Code

Tell Father Time to get bent with Combination Code Face Moisturizer. Lightweight and easily absorbed, Combination Code will hydrate, smooth and soften your face in no time. Unlock the code to great-looking skin. Mattifying moisturizer that quickly penetrates skin. Ideal for customers with oily skin.

White Knight

White Knight Gentle Daily Facial Cleanser thoroughly removes excess oil, dirt and impurities while imparting rich hydration to keep the skin supple and radiant. White Knight Gentle Daily Facial Cleanser is free of SLS, colorants, parabens and artificial fragrances, making it perfect for normal-to-dry and sensitive skin types. Colorant, SLS and Paraben free. No added fragrance, Winner Best Facial Cleanser: 2009 Instinct Magazine. Winner Best Face Wash: 2010 Men’s Health Grooming Awards. Top 5 Seller!


“To scrub or to wash?” In response to the question plaguing mankind since at least 2003, Billy Jealousy proudly unveils a demonstrable solution. Less penetrating than a scrub but more powerful than a face wash, LiquidSand Exfoliating Facial Cleanser cleans thoroughly to remove dead surface skin cells, dirt and related grime. Preps skin for a less irritating shave without overdrying. Colourant and SLS-free. Top 5 Seller!

Whipped Cream

For guys who would rather lather, Whipped Cream provides a luscious formula that softens and lifts the beard for a close, comfortable and delectable shave. Delivers excellent razor glide while protecting skin from razor burn, razor bumps, nicks and ingrown hairs. Leaves your skin smooth and hydrated. From the boardroom to the bedroom, guard your number-one asset.


Dragging a blade across your face every day doesn’t have to be a grind. Reinvent the lost art of smooth shaving with Hydroplane Shave Cream: a rich, technologically advanced, foamless cream that keeps you looking sharp and feeling noticed. After all, sometimes it isn’t nice to play rough. Fragrance, colourant and Benzocaine free. No need for pre-shave oil. Ideal for sensitive skin BJ’s # 1 seller!

Shaved Ice

Does your daily shaving routine feel like a slap in the face? Don’t get scorched before your day even begins. Cool down with Shaved Ice After-Shave Balm. After all, it’s not wise to leave the house hot and bothered. Winner Best Splurge: 2006 Men’s Health Grooming Awards.

Hot Towel

Chasing trends is an index of fashion, but respecting style is the mark of distinction. Re-create the classic barbershop experience with Hot Towel Pre-Shave Treatment: a unique, water-activated heating agent that produces the definitively clean, consummate shave in a modern context.


With notes of citrus bergamot, tea, ivy and sandalwood. Cleans great, smells great and provides your body with all-day moisture. SLS & Paraben free

Triple Crown Body Wash

A unique three-in-one product, Triple Crown gently cleanses the body with a rich foam, moisturizes your skin and here’s the real kicker: it’s a fairly awesome shave formula to boot! Slather some on in the shower. Don’t stop til you get enough! SLS Paraben and Colourant Free. Winner, Best Body Wash, Men’s Health Singapore 2012 Grooming Awards.

All About Men by Upper Canada Mini Bath Brush

Target dry, rough spots with this small handled Bath Brush. Great for elbows, knees, hands and feet. Convenient size, perfect for travel. 10” Tall.

All About Men by Upper Canada Dual Cleansing Pad

Use this innovative dual textured bath pad for the ultimate shower experience. Use the soft mesh side to exfoliate, and the terry side to cleanse. Just add soap!

Tommy Guns has a variety of straight razors available. This affordable straight razor is perfect for the beginner. Well balanced to the blade, the handle offers exceptional hand control and a comfortable shave. Leather strops are available and perfect for polishing and straightening straight razors. Also available is a variety of brushes available in different thickness and textures for all types of beards.

Tommy Guns also offers a variety of shaving kits complete with foam bowl, brush, razor and stand. All razor handles are compatible with Gillette Fusion Pro Glide razors. Each handle offers a different weight and feel for the perfect shave.