Michael Jesso's Fabulous, Derailed...

Why are people yelling into their cell phones? We’ve all heard it, on the bus, at the bank, in restaurants. Tim Hortons is famous for it. I’ve heard more I love yous, what to pick up for supper, and what Marge had on at bingo to last a lifetime. Honestly, for some of you it might just be easier to go outside and yell in the general direction of the person you’re talking to because I’m sure whatever part of the world your caller is in, they’ll hear you. It’s not 1976, it’s not channel 19 on a CB Radio. It might as well be for some of you, if you count all the people listening to your conversations. People on both ends of cell phones have volume control. If they can’t hear you, they can turn their volume up. You don’t have to yell. And if your caller starts cracking in and out, screaming doesn’t help. Who hasn’t heard, “You’re breaking up. I can’t hear you.....YOU’RE BREAKING UP, WHAT?” The computers in the cell phone towers don’t stop and say to themselves, “Oh this person is screaming, we should send out a stronger signal.” It doesn’t work like that.

The most entertaining of the annoying phone callers though has to be when they talk about money. Anytime someone on a cell phone in a public place talks about money they yell. “I’m just here at the BANK NOW. GOT MY BONUS. $35,000!!!!” (That is, of course, after they’ve taken a picture of the cheque and posted it on FACEBOOK, but that’s another article.) Everyone needs to know that you can talk at the same level as you do at home on your landline. You can even whisper.

Now while we’re working on talking a little lower in public, let’s try something else. For those of you who don’t know, when you’re standing in the line at the grocery store, or anywhere you need to interact with another human being, put your caller on hold or hang up. There are few things as rude as this in this world. Everyone deserves your respect and your attention when your standing three feet from their face looking at them, especially when they are providing a service to you. I’ve had store clerks tell me that some people don’t even talk, just nod at them, point at items, make faces, and grunt. Let’s recap: Nod, point, make faces, and grunt. Now imagine what you must look like! It doesn’t sound anything like civilized man. Telling the person making your Subway sandwich to “hold on” while you chat isn’t exactly respect either.

Another place where you should never dream of answering the phone is at the hairdresser or barber. Ladies, real estate agents, business people: I’m talking to you. Thinking that you can just leave a bigger tip because you had a 15 minute phone conversation while your hair stylist stood there looking at you is not acceptable. (There have been confirmed longer phone calls.) Stylists are on a schedule, other people are booked and waiting, and now because John couldn’t find the master switch on a 797 haul truck, five people walk out on haircuts, costing the stylist and the business way more then your $10 tip. Always take stock of your surroundings when placing or answering a call, show people helping you respect, treat people how you would want to be treated, and above all else, get used to the fact that if you or the person you’re talking to is coming down from Timberlea, the call is going to drop!

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