Regulars(Archives)

Aug
22
2013
Volume
-

Compare & Contrast

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Every issue we’ll compare Fort McMurray to another town or city in Canada. The facts will be quirky, off the wall, and quite interesting, just like YMM-ers!

How does YMM stack up against… Vancouver

  • Fort McMurray will be holding the 2015 Western Canada Games. Vancouver held some Winter games back in 2010. I can’t remember what they were called but I suppose they win this one. Only just.
  • They have a much bigger selection of restaurants. Hell they have so many to choose from they probably have more restaurants than we have pickup trucks. That’s a lot of restaurants.
  • Nobody knows how many restaurants there are in Vancouver. Nobody goes to them because Vancouver has no parking.
  • Nobody goes to out to eat in Fort McMurray either. It’s not because we have no parking, yet. We have no restaurants.
  • Moving on. Number of riots in Vancouver over hockey? One more than Fort McMurray. Number of times their city’s top hockey team has won the top available trophy? One less than Fort McMurray.
  • Read this and see which city it’s about. “The problem is the accommodation is so expensive, there isn’t enough of it and nobody can afford it.” It’s about Vancouver. In Fort McMurray, it’s expensive, but we can afford it.
  • Median household income for Vancouver $70,000. Fort McMurray? $170,000. (2010 figures, so it’s even suckier to be a Vancouverite now.)
  • Number of beaches? Yeah, ok. Vancouver is slightly ahead on this.
  • Sushi restaurants per capita. Fort McMurray wins at 5 per 100,000. Vancouver is 4.2.
  • Scummy parts of town to score drugs? We used to have the pavement outside Diggers until they knocked it down. Vancouver has a whole downtown section devoted to the business.
  • The Vancouver Metropolitan area has a population of 3,000,000. The Regional Municipality of Wood Buffalo has a population of 100,000. Back when Vancouver had a population more like ours, an English newspaper wrote that Vancouver and British Columbia was not worth keeping and should never have been inhabited at all. We think that’s a bit harsh, and when we incorporate BC into Alberta we’ll demand an apology.
  • In 1901, on June 23, there was snow in South Vancouver. There was no snow in Fort McMurray that day which just goes to show that we’re the better place to live.
  • Alcohol in Vancouver is subject to a Provincial sales tax of 10 per cent. Alcohol in Fort McMurray isn’t.
  • Vancouver is the birthplace of Greenpeace. There’s no rebuttal. I just want that in your mind next time you visit there and meet a BC bunnyhugger.
  • The last overpopulation of rabbits in Vancouver meant the vets worked overtime spaying, neutering, and releasing. Were that to happen in Alberta, the butchers would be working overtime skinning, jointing, and saying, “That’s right ma’am, carrots are good with cassoulet.”
  • West Vancouver is one of the most expensive places in Canada to live. So is Fort McMurray.
  • Vancouver has the second largest film industry in North America. But Fort McMurray has Toddske and Tito.
  • Vancouver has the mildest climate in Canada. During the winter olympics they had to truck in snow… wouldn’t have happened in Fort McMurray, Olympics organizers. In case you want it done properly next time, call Kim Rizzi. When she’s done with the Western Canada games, she’ll get right on that.
  • It’s about honours even until you measure attitude. One place has the rudest, most obnoxious, and self-righteous people in Canada and the other is Fort McMurray. Sorry Vancouver, you lose.
KEVIN THORNTON

Kevin has been writing for YMM since the first issue. Many of his articles have been pseudonymous, hidden behind the tags Keyano writer or YMM staff. Kevin has been a columnist for many years, working for some of the leading newspapers of the world, including the New York Times and the Devon Dispatch.

Website: theoldfortamusingfromtheoilsands.blogspot.ca/

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